Online Dating...

Eeeeeeek!! So.... hands up anyone who's ever tried their hand at internet dating?! Yes. There's a few of us. It's an interesting phenomenon to me. I have conflicted feelings to be honest. I'm not sure whether it's a trust thing, or just that it somehow feels unnatural or whether I am just a bit of a coward. I guess all of our experiences and lack of, shape who we are and how we feel about certain things, and the online dating thing, well... it's taking a bit to get my head around it.

I have not had magnitudes of experience with online dating, but I have seen a few people get burned and disappointed by their potential suitors and having ventured into a few discussion forums in my time, I know that weirdos tend to come out of the woodwork online. One such person had great affect on me a couple of years ago. I spoke to him online, via text message, and often on the phone for about two years. I never told my family because I knew they would disapprove. I don't know why I went along with his game for so long. But I got caught up. I remember the first conversation we had online. It felt as though there was an instant connection. We spoke for hours and when he left the computer to make dinner I "nudged" him on msn so many times he joked that I had made him set his kitchen on fire by distracting him. Within a couple of days we had created a silly fantasy that we were going to run away together. He'd call me 'his girl' and I'd call him 'my boy'. It was weird and surreal, yet thrilling at the same time.

Until about 6 weeks later when I found out he had a girlfriend. By that time, I'd begun fighting with him regularly over his manic mood swings and tendency to get aggressive and full of anger. He'd started to retreat into a cave, just like in the book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. I didn't know what I'd done wrong to suddenly be treated so coldly. The girlfriend came out, only in the heat of the moment, a blurted out fact that was supposed to somehow validate his side of the argument. Why hadn't he mentioned her before? Why should he, he said? We were only mucking around, he had no loyalty or obligation to tell me anything. He had never said he was single. This all sounds ridiculous when I write it down, but this man was a master at twisting things to suit himself and making others feel like they must have misunderstood. A bit like Jasper in The Holiday. But worse.

I remained "friends" with the person for two years, like I said. He gradually opened up a little to me. I learned that his girlfriend had cystic fibrosis and had a few years at most, left to live. He'd lost his dad to cancer when he was 15 and had been deeply affected. I felt sympathetic. And when things were good, and we were having great conversations and laughing with each other, I forgot about what he was like when the coin was flipped. He would get nasty and manipulative, but always somehow made me feel it was my fault. Despite his obvious personality disorder (bi-polar???) I adored him. Eventually one day when he was deliberately trying to pick a fight in my forum, I told him to knock it off or leave. He lost control for the last time and defaced the forum, writing nasty things about the members in every thread he could get his hands on. I found all the comments when I logged on the next morning and vowed that I was never EVER going to speak to this toxic person again. And with the exception of about three brief times, I haven't. Those times have been emotionless for me. He has wished me well. Told me that his girlfriend had passed away only about two months after we stopped speaking.


That experience has made it hard to trust on the internet. I never want to get sucked into someone's warped little world again. I deserve much better than that. But alas, at the persistent "encouragement" of my mother, I have recently dived in for another foray into the world of online dating. She paid for three months (expensive) membership at eHarmony. At sign up for this website, one must fill out a painfully long survey which is then processed through a data system to find the best matches which are delivered to you by email. It has a high success rate, yet the process of guided communication (questions, likes and dislikes, must haves and can't stands) is incredibly mundane. I had one guy skip to email and tell me I could do better than to get to know him. "Cool, suave and sophisticated are the watchwords" he said. I felt bad afterwards, but I told him he might have better luck with those tactics at the pub. And then I felt worse because he replied and sounded genuinely nice even though his email and profile made him sound like a wanker with a capital W. Oops.

Actually the one person I have really liked, I shall call Jimmy. Jimmy is in my local area and he is an enivronmental scientist. When we moved to email, he told me honestly that he had just started seeing someone but still wanted to get to know me as a friend. He didn't want to be an arsehole and decieve me. Ten bonus points for honesty. And the worst bit is, that we have been getting to know one another by Facebook email and he is SO nice. He is just normal, writes and spells well, he's clever, likes the outdoors and keeing fit. Is interested in what I have to say. And he calls me "miss". "You're a bit cheeky, Miss". He is just lovely. And even funnier, some might recall me a while back sighing over Eddie Perfect and saying that I'd like to marry him just for his name. To be Mrs Perfect. Well, Jimmy's last name is Saint. Imagine it. Mrs Saint! hahaha

Ah, but he already has a girlfriend. What is with that?? Just as my faith in online dating is restored, the one I like the most, is the one I can't have.If there is a god out there, can he throw me a frikken bone, please??? If you are listening God, I would like to fall in love, hard...and I would like to love someone who deserves to have my crazy love thanks. Someone who will love me like crazy back. Someone like Jimmy, or even better yet, "Tom", who can be all for me.

On the whole, online dating is legitimate. There is nothing any more exciting about meeting someone at the pub than there is meeting them online. It's a growing industry. I'm not sure it feels right for me. What does everyone else think of it?